By Judith A. Myers-Walls
Human Development Specialist
Purdue Extension
For a year children and youth have been hearing stories about terrorism, collapsing buildings, war, and how the world has changed. Some have been paying attention more than others, and some have understood better than others. Some of those differences are related to children’s ages.
As the one-year anniversary and other events bring the attacks of Sept. 11, 2001, back in the news, parents and other adults can help children understand what occurred that day. Although families may have discussed these things a year ago, the reactions now may be very different. Children are a year older, other events have happened since then, and everyone has had more time to think about his or her attitudes.
Parents and other adults can be very important sources of information, interpreters of events, and listeners. It is important to keep the child’s age and developmental level in mind when doing these things. The following points may be helpful.
Young children. Some young children were not aware of the news at all when the attacks occurred. They may have been protected from the media or may not have paid attention. They are a year older now and may see the pictures of the planes and falling buildings for the first time. They may need reassurance that it is not happening now. They also may need basic explanations of the events. The frequent replays of footage may be confusing. Tell them that it is not happening multiple times. Young children who saw the events in 2001 may need reassurance that it is not happening again.
In any case, many preschool children have been very confused by these events. Many young children combine history and current events or mix up local and world news. Many unfamiliar words have been used in the news of these events, so young children may misunderstand reports. Listen to them and give short and simple explanations. Give them a chance to draw pictures and ask questions. Young children need small bites of food and also need small “bites” of information.
Elementary school children. Some school-age children will remember last year’s events well, while others will not remember much of anything. Some will want to know explanations of the events and the factors involved. Others may have discussed Sept. 11 at school, although they may not understand it well. Yet others will say that it is old news, and they are not interested in talking about it now.
It is important to assess each child's level of understanding and interest. Like younger children, some may need reassurance that it is not happening again. They will benefit from expressing their ideas in various forms, such as art, letters, music, and with puppets. Many older elementary children would benefit from taking some kind of action, such as writing letters, preparing a display for the community about their memories of the events, or collecting items to help others in the community. Even though local actions might not have any real connection to the terrorist attacks, those actions can still help children feel in control and feel that they are making a difference.
Adolescents. Most adolescents will remember what happened last September in some detail. They are likely to be able to understand many of the events and may well have discussed these issues in classes at school. The situation is confusing, though, and they are not yet adults, so they could have misunderstandings and confusion. They also need the chance to talk about values and beliefs with parents. Teachers can explain events, but parents need to help adolescents decide what to think about those events.
Some adolescents may act as if they do not care. They really may not care, because they are concerned about other things. Others may act that way to look strong and save face. Yet others may have been very upset last year, but they are past that now.
In general, adolescents will want more details than younger children and will have more skills and coping strategies to deal with the event, but they still will not deal with it the same way that adults do. Because adolescents tend to look at the world in a black-and-white fashion, they may label some groups as the bad guys and others as the good guys. It would be helpful to guide them toward separating the evil of the event from the value of people. Some adolescents transformed their fear and sadness from last year into hatred and anger. You may be able to help them move beyond those feelings. They may be able to understand that the concerns of groups may be legitimate, but that using violence — whether it is a fist, a bomb, or an airplane — is never the best way to deal with frustration or anger. Some adolescents have felt vulnerable, because it was a surprise attack. Adolescents want to know what is happening and when it is going to happen, so the lack of control in this situation is difficult for them. They also may have found that this situation affected their friendships, as the situation added new topics to the relationship. They and their friends may have made very different decisions about how to respond to the crisis. Adults may be able to help adolescents talk about the meaning of friendship and how to deal with differences of opinion.
Young Adults. While people in this age group often think that they are invulnerable and that they will live forever, events this traumatic and close to home shook the certainty of many of them. Some young adults questioned their studies and jobs, because the events of Sept. 11 challenged them to rethink what is important. A year later, those young adults who made changes may need to think again about whether they are still comfortable with the changes they made last year. As the many reminders appear during the anniversary, they may be inspired again to make changes, or they may react very differently this year.
Young adults will be more knowledgeable than children about the nature of the attacks and the consequences, and their fears will be more realistic. Their methods of coping with those fears may not be. Some young adults immediately jumped into action last year and may want to do so again this year. Older adults will need to help them keep their desires in perspective and guide them to positive outlets such as giving blood or attending a vigil or memorial service. Young adults may also want to learn more about world politics and history. They may have faced the same friendship realignment concerns as adolescents, as friends expressed varying attitudes about the event and solutions. Adults can be there to support young adults as they seek to find their place and their voice.