Purple Wagon-Judith Myers-Walls Responds to Questions

1. What are some actions children and parents can take to help them cope following these tragic events?

Young children benefit from play. Some related play activities are building houses and knocking them down, flying toy airplanes, hiding toys in a pile of blocks or in the sand, pretending to be rescue workers or drawing pictures.
School-age children may want to help the community collect materials to support relief workers, draw, write poems, or letters, prepare a performance like a play, dance, or skits; write letters to children in New York City or those who have lost loved ones; or learn about architecture or airplanes.
Adolescents can help collect materials for the support of rescue-and-recovery workers, give blood, write letters to specific people or communities, organize a vigil or memorial service, or study architecture, transportation, terrorism, or reconciliation and mediation
Young adults can reach out to international people in their community and organize discussion groups or action groups. They may want to study the history of the United Nations, the safety of buildings and transportation, or inter-cultural relationships.
Parents and caregivers can take action to help children feel that it is unlikely something like this will ever happen again. Parents who work to prevent terrorism make their children feel safer than parents who focus on retribution or destruction of others. They may join a reconciliation group, connect with people of other ethnic groups, attend public gatherings for prayer or solidarity, or support a mediation program in their community.

2. How much TV coverage should I allow my children to watch?

Limit TV exposure of young children. The younger the child, the less they should be exposed to the news coverage. Young children are likely to lose patience quickly with the constant news reporting and probably will not watch for long. However, some of the reporting includes a large amount of action footage that engages them. It may help to show videos or, better, yet, turn off the TV and go outside or play a game.

No matter what the child's ageÑor the adult'sÑit is important to avoid spending the entire day watching the news coverage. Return to a normal routine and remind yourself there are still ordinary things in your life, such as dishes to be washed, going to school, and birthday cards to send. This will help parents be more relaxed and supportive and will help children move out of the crisis mode.

Teachers need to use TV for limited times if they allow their students to watch the news during school. Teachers don't know what kind of information will be given during the broadcast, so it is difficult to plan a lesson around it. Allow them to read print media for a more in-depth look at what is happening and for more control over the content intensity and amount.

3. What should I think if my children shrug off the event or say they don't care?

Some children pretend they don't care, and other children really do not care. Many adolescents may say they didn't care at first but gradually realize how important the event is. Parents cannot make children feel one thing or another, but they can be available and supportive so children do not feel like they need to put up a front. Recognize feelings may change as children learn more and become accustomed to the situation. Tell older children how you feel. Explain how others feel. Ultimately, though, let children be in charge of their own feelings.

As children look at the news coverage, they are going to see the same images over and over. Young children may not understand these are the same planes running into the same buildings. Let them know it is not happening over and over again. It gets especially confusing since there were four different planes. Help them understand this all happened on Tuesday. It is not happening again and again.

4. There are many stories and images I don't want my children to carry with them. What stories should we be telling and encouraging our children to remember?

The images that might be good to collect and remember are people who helped others to get out of the buildings before they collapsed, rescue workers who have put in huge amounts of time to find people who needed help, airline passengers who tried to prevent the hijackers from harming others, and religious leaders from Christian, Jewish, Muslim, and other backgrounds who have worshiped together and pledged cooperation.

5. Some children cannot understand why families won't give up looking for lost people. It seems obvious to them that these people are gone. What do we tell them?

It is a very important time to tell children that, when people are concerned about someone they love, they do everything they can to help or find them. Reassure them that if they were lost, you would do exactly the same thing. Tell them you would not give up until you were sure there was nothing more you could do.

6. What happens after we move away from the initial feelings of this event?

As we get past the shock and horror of the initial event, some people will move into anger. Help children understand the anger comes out of frustration and not knowing what to do. Help them find alternatives to anger. The actions children take can help them feel positive and constructive and not like they need to lash out in anger.

For more information, contact Judith Myers-Walls, PhD, CFLE at jmyerswa@purdue.edu or at 765-494-2959.

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