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It has been a few years since the terrorist attack on the United States on Tuesday, Sept. 11, 2001. Some of the attention has decreased, but TV news programs, newspapers, and even sitcoms regularly mention that date and explore its impact. At times like the anniversaries, news footage is repeated and many people again discuss the events of that day and its aftermath. Those events seemed to flow into the wars in Afghanistan and Iraq. Security alerts leave many children feeling vulnerable and at risk. They need the help of the adults around them. So what is a parent, teacher, or other caring adult to do when terrorist violence and international conflict fill the airwaves and the consciousness of America? Studies of children’s reactions to the attacks of Sept. 11, 2001 at Purdue University and Kansas State University suggest how parents and teachers could help the children. • A number of young children (mostly preschool age) don’t know or don’t remember anything about the events of Sept. 11. • Most children are not preoccupied with the attacks. Most now concentrate on other issues in their lives. It is not an immediate crisis for them, but they do think about the events of that day. • Many children are confused. A number admit they are confused, but others are not aware that they do not have a correct understanding. There are several kinds of confusion. • Some children are not sure if Sept. 11 was a war, if it started a war, or if it was not related to a war at all. Of course, many adults also have a difficult time deciding on the appropriate label. • Many children combine their knowledge of these events with other events in history or in other places. So one child said that George Washington decided to start this war, and another child said that the first war ever made was in New York. One child said that the location of this conflict was Osama bin Laden. • Many children are confused about the reasons that the terrorists attacked. • The particular events of Sept. 11 and their aftermath are being incorporated into children’s understanding of war in general. This seems to be an outcome of any conflict witnessed by children. While many children drew pictures of burning oil fields and talked about oil and land as causes of war after the Persian Gulf War, a number of children now draw planes and tall buildings when they draw war. They define terrorists as people who fly airplanes. They say that terrorists look like people from other countries. • Many children report that they felt sad and angry when they learned about the attacks. • Some parents report that their children showed an increase in patriotism in response to the attacks. Children do not mention patriotism, and when asked if they felt proud when they think about the events, very few say yes. Some parents mentioned knowledge of the flag specifically when they talked about the increase in patriotism. It may be that children are doing more patriotic things but don’t think about them, or that they do not connect the patriotic activities to the attacks. • Some children seem to have been particularly upset by the surprise nature of the attacks. That leaves some of them feeling vulnerable and unsure about the future. Recommendations for parents and teachers » Assume the kids know about it, but do not assume they have a complete understanding. Children may have been shielded from the original events, but they are older now, and references to what happened are very widespread. They probably know more than you think. But that knowledge may be confused, even after time has passed. Children have been exposed to bits and pieces at least, but the information is confusing even for adults. Not talking about it does not protect children. In fact, you may communicate that the subject is taboo and that you are unavailable if you remain silent. It may be easier to talk about things now that adults have had an opportunity to process the events and get over the shock. But it is harder to find a good time to talk since it is not a new topic any more. There may not be obvious times to bring up the subject. But if you do not talk with children, you will not be able to correct their misunderstandings. Keep talking as events continue to change and as children grow. They will have different feelings and different levels of understanding as time goes on. » Reassure young people and help them feel safe. Feelings of vulnerability may be somewhat lower than they were at first. Time has passed, and there has not been a repeat attack on this country. But there have been many warnings and much talk about what might happen. Adults need to assess their own feelings about whether the country continues to be at risk or not. They need to identify what they think children should be aware of. No matter how a parent feels, however, children need realistic reassurance. All parents can reassure their children that most people are kind and do not want to hurt them. Those parents who feel that the new security precautions are necessary and helpful can point out to the children how those actions are designed to make the world safer. Those who are distressed by the precautions may want to avoid situations where the security efforts are obvious, so that they and their children will not be reminded. Those who feel that the security is excessive and increases fears and distrust may want to speak up and work toward reducing the defensive responses. In any case, children need to be able to go on with their lives with a feeling of security. You can try to support and protect children, but you cannot keep all bad things from happening to them. You can always tell them that you love them, though. You can say that, no matter what happens, your love will be with them. That is realistic, and often that is all the children need to feel better. » Be available and "askable." Let kids know that it is okay to talk about terrorism and other unpleasant events. Listen to what they think and feel. By listening, you can find out if they have misunderstandings, and you can learn more about the support that they need. You do not need to explain more than they are ready to hear, but you should be willing to answer their questions. If there is a question you cannot answer, you and the child could search for information together, or you could explain that sometimes adults also have questions that cannot be answered. Remember that the need for conversation will not be over after one talk. Keep the lines of communication open. » Share your feelings. Over the past few years, you probably have had many different feelings as you have thought about Sept. 11. Share some of those feelings with children. Tell young people if you have felt afraid, angry, or frustrated. It can help them to know how others have felt and how others have dealt with their feelings. You might want to explore how other people have reacted as well. Help them understand some of the connections between feelings and behavior. Be careful not to overwhelm them or expect them to find answers for you, though. » Support children's concern for people they do not know. Children often are afraid not only for themselves, but also for people they do not even know. Other conflicts besides Sept. 11 have been in the news and natural disasters like Hurricane Katrina have occurred, and children may be more sensitive to those situations since the events of Sept. 11. In some cases they might feel less secure or cared for themselves if they see that others are hurting. It is heartwarming and satisfying to observe this level of caring in children. Explore ways to help others and ease their pain. » Look for feelings beyond fear. Adults spent a lot of time since Sept. 11, 2001 reassuring children. But do not stop there. Some children may still feel afraid, but in addition, many children also may feel sad or angry. In fact, those feelings may be more likely. Let them express that full range of emotions. Support the development of caring and empathy. Be careful not to encourage the kind of response given by one child: "I don't care if there's a war, as long as it doesn't affect me and my family." » Help children use creative outlets like art and music to express their feelings. Younger children may not be comfortable or skilled with words, especially in relation to difficult situations. Using art, puppets, music, play, or books might help children open up about their reactions. They may want to draw pictures and then destroy them, or they could want to display them or send them to someone else. Be flexible and listen. If children drew pictures or wrote stories when the events occurred, it would be interesting to compare those earlier pictures with pictures they draw now. Ask the children how their feelings have changed. Young children will not be able to express those changes very well, but older children might. » Help children and youth find continuing courses of action. One important way to reduce stress is to take action. This is true for both adults and children. Immediately after Sept. 11, many children wrote letters or raised money for families in New York and Washington DC. Teenagers may have given blood. The immediate needs for the victims of the attacks are no longer as great, but the need for blood and for supporting people in need has not changed. Children may want to write a letter to someone about their feelings now, get involved in an organization committed to preventing events such as the Sept. 11 attacks, or collect money for the homeless. Helping someone in their community is especially meaningful to young people. Let the children help identify the action choices. They may have wonderful ideas. » Take action with them. It is not enough to let children take action by themselves. Children feel hope when they know that their parents, teachers, or other significant caregivers are working to make a difference. They feel safer and more positive about the future. They want to know that the adults around them are not just forgetting the disasters of the past. So do something. It will make you feel more hopeful, too. And hope is one of the most valuable gifts we can give children and ourselves. » Decrease the violence in your children’s world. Consider media, toys and play activities, and your own parenting behavior. The events of September 2001 and those that followed sensitized children and adults to violence. When the people that children depend on most—their parents—use violence to accomplish their goals, children may feel especially unsafe. They also may come to think that that violence is a good way to accomplish goals. Parents can increase children’s feelings of security and optimism by avoiding harsh or coercive discipline. They can learn to use distraction, logical consequences, and empathy. They can look for the feelings and motivations that lead to children’s misbehavior and help those children find positive ways to reach their goals. » Avoid fostering hate. Some people responded to the crisis of Sept. 11 by developing suspicion, fear, and even hatred of people of the Islamic faith. It does not appear in preliminary studies that children picked up those concerns, at least not related to the words “Muslim” or “Islam.” But it is important for parents to overcome their own prejudices and fears. Parents need to help young people learn how to take reasonable precautions when approaching people. Children and youth need to learn how to be safe while they are also reaching out to learn about and make friends with new people. Many public figures have commented that Sept. 11 changed the world. It changed the context for parenting, too. Whether that change has been positive or negative is determined in part by what you do as parents. Make conscious decisions about the kind of world you would like your children to live in. Listen to their dreams and hopes. Work together to create something good out of tragedy.
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