•  Exchange knick-knacks, pictures, or clothing with your children before you leave. Give your children something that will help them remember you. Try to find things that will remind them of what you look like, how you sound, and how you smell. This can comfort them while you are away. The items you take with you can help you remember them.

•  Communicate creatively. You will not be able to have chats around the kitchen table or in the car, but you can still feel connected. Maybe you could make a plan with each child that every night, at the same time, you both will look at the moon or
a star and say “good night” to each other. Young children as well as older children can participate. Older children may think this is silly, but they can still cherish the idea of saying “good night” to you. With younger children, you could each sing the song,
“I See the Moon.” Or you could send kisses on the breeze back and forth to each other. The next time you talk or write, ask, “Did you get my kiss?”

•  Keep a journal. Ask your child to keep a journal with drawings or writings, including what s/he ate, funny things that happened, “firsts,” questions, or things s/he is learning. Keep a journal yourself with your drawings or writings. You can include what you ate and funny things that have happened to you.

•  Writing letters. Writing letters can strengthen the relationship you have with your child, even though you are far apart. You can use the mail to share your thoughts, your feelings, and your experiences. You and your children will draw closer together, learn from each other, and build a collection of happy memories. You could tell about times when you have felt certain feelings or had certain experiences. Your children could tell their stories on the same topics. Some topics for letters can include courage and responsibility, generosity and love, honesty and commitment, helpfulness, competition and justice, conflict and violence, and sadness and grief. Focus on your views and thoughts for each topic. You and your child will learn more about each other. You will gain the satisfaction of knowing that your ideas are being shared with your children, and they will enjoy discovering more about you. This can even be a family event, if a child is too small to read or write on his or her own.

•  Send your children updates and have your children send you updates . Even a short note can help to connect you. Maybe send photographs of what you are doing along with letters. If possible, have a videoconference with your children over the computer with webcameras. Let your children know that you love them even if you cannot be in touch.

•  Leave a little bit of yourself at home. Before you are deployed, make a videotape or audiotape of yourself reading stories to your children. Then you can still read your child a bedtime story. Or create a jar full of notes, maybe on different colored paper. Include encouraging statements, words of love and caring, and maybe jokes. Notes can be as simple as “I hope you have a great day,” “I love you,” “I can't wait to see you,” and “Good luck in school today.” Click here for some more suggestions. Tell your family that they can read a new note each day.

•  Send audiotapes. Your children will enjoy being able to hear and remember your voice. In some ways this is better than a letter because your children can hear the inflections in your voice and your laugh when you make a joke.

•  Prepare for the holidays. Think about the holidays you will miss. Discuss with your spouse/significant other how to handle the holidays. If possible, leave some cards and gifts to give while you are gone. Remember that cards with your signature and thoughts are probably more valuable than gifts. Think about having “unholidays” when you return.

•  Practice phone skills for long-distance calls. You will not be able to have a lengthy conversation with your children. So plan out things you want to talk about, questions you want to ask, or how you will respond to difficult questions before you make your phone call. Try to focus on positive things. Remember that younger
children may not be interested in talking to you very long. Some children may want to ask you a ton of questions about what is going on during your deployment. Older children may want to know that you are safe and will want to talk about everything that is going on in their lives. Some children may not want to tell you anything bad that has happened to them, in case it will worry you. Let your children know that you love hearing their voices. Explain that sometimes you cannot answer all of their questions. Think of ways to close a conversation so that it is not too sudden. Tell them you will call back when you can.

•  Take a picture. Every week while you are gone, have your child's caretaker take a picture of your child in the same spot. Try to take a picture of yourself in the same spot to send to your children. Both you and your child can track growth and change. It might be helpful to take the pictures in front of something that has vertical lines or marks so you can see the growth and change.

Learn more about ways to talk to your child about deployment.

References

Educational Opportunities Directorate of the Department of Defense. Parents guide to
     the military child during deployment and reunion. Retrieved on Dec. 6, 2006,
     from http://www.militarystudent.dod.mil/k12images/upload/Parent_Guide_Deployment.pdf

Hardaway, T. (2003). Supporting the child whose military parent is deploying: Tips for
     parents. Retrieved on Dec. 6, 2006, from http://www.cfs.purdue.edu/mfri/pages/
       military/Supporting_Children_of_Deployed_Parents.pdf

Sesame Street (2005). Talk, Listen, Connect: Deployments, Homecomings,
     Changes. Retrieved on June 2008, from http://www.sesameworkshop.org/tlc/

Smith, C. (2003). Grandletters: A correspondence program for grandparents and
     their grandchildren. Retrieved on Feb. 20, 2007, from http://www.oznet.ksu.edu/
       library/famlf2/mf752.pdf