As a childcare provider, you might have some scary stories
about trying to manage a group of young children. Children are curious
and want to explore. They also want to be independent. This may lead children
to break the rules. They may also put themselves in unsafe situations.
Parents also may talk to you about their own struggles to control their
children. Parents may complain to you that their children break rules
and do not listen to the parents. There are different ways that you can
help parents respond when their children break the rules. In this section
we describe how you can help parents set limits for their children. We
also describe how you can help parents react when their children misbehave.
You can help them find out why their children are breaking the rules,
and you can help them learn to use natural or logical consequences.
When should you talk to parents about setting limits and responding to
misbehavior?
When…
• …a
parent is very loose with making children follow rules. You may see that
the parent has very few or no clear rules
for
his child. You may feel that the child always gets his or her own way.
For example, the parent may have no rules
about
how his child should behave in public. He may not have decided ahead of
time what he will do if the child is
either
good or bad. Sometimes, a parent’s behavior may be close to neglect
of his child. In that case, you may try
to help
the parent. If you feel that the situation is serious, you must report
it to Child Protective
Service (CPS).
• …a
parent has too many rules for her child. For example, you may see that
the parent is always telling the child
“no.”
Or you may see that the child is afraid of making his own choice. He always
asks his mother what to do.
• …parents
and children are struggling with each other all the time. For example,
you may hear the parents always
saying
“do this,” and the children saying “I will not.”
• …a
parent is always nice to the child and never talks about the rules. This
parent may seem afraid to ever make the
child
upset. For example, a child might do something that hurts the parent.
The parent might try to get the child to
stop,
but she never says that it hurts. The child does not learn about how his
actions make other people feel.
• …a
parent does different things on different days. A parent may have rules
and standards of behavior for his child,
but
the parent does not always follow through with them. For example, a parent
tells you that he wants his child to
stop
throwing tantrums. But you see that parent give in when his child screams
and kicks because she wants
something.
Or you see a parent insist one day that her son put on his own coat, and
the next day she does it for
him.
• …a
parent has very strict rules that never change. For example, maybe you
see that a parent does not allow the
child
to talk back. Then you see that parent punish his child whenever she answers
“no” to a question. The parent
seems
to think that any negative answer is talking back. He does not think about
the reasons for the child saying
no.
Sometimes you may think that a parent’s behavior could be abuse.
You may talk to the parent
and the child
about
this. You are also required to report any abuse you suspect to Child
Protective Service (CPS).
• …the
parent is threatening the child all the time to get the child to stop
misbehaving. For example, you may hear a
parent
tell his screaming child, “Shut up, or I will make you shut up!”
You may decide that it is important to talk with parents who do these
things. Below are some good ideas that you can help them to understand.
Setting
Limits
Limits are guidelines or rules. They are what adults expect from children.
Limits say what children may do and what they should not do. For example,
parents might set a limit for going outside. They might say, “You
may go outside only when a grown-up is with you.”
It is important that both child care providers and parents learn to set
clear limits with children. Limits protect children. Limits also can help
children get along with people and take care of things. Children need
limits to help them feel secure and safe. They need to know that they
can trust adults to stop them when they get into situations that will
hurt them. Setting limits teaches children that you care about them. They
learn that you want them to be safe and responsible.
You can help
parents set effective limits and share some approaches with them.
They can think about what limits are right for their children and how
to be consistent with them.
Finding
the Cause of Misbehavior
Sometimes it is hard to know why children do what they do. Sometimes it
seems like they want to be bad. That is not true most of the time, though.
Understanding why children misbehave is important. This will help you
and the parents to respond more effectively to them and their behavior.
There may be several reasons why a child is misbehaving. For example,
he might not be feeling well, he might be trying to get attention, or
he might be curious or upset. It is not bad to be sick, to want attention,
or to be curious. It is not good to hurt others or to do something dangerous,
though. You can help
parents figure out the reason for their child’s misbehavior.
Encourage them to look for patterns in their children’s behavior.
They can talk to their children about feelings. Parents could also suggest
solutions and see if they sound good to the child. Discipline is more
effective when it matches the needs of the child.
Natural
and Logical Consequences
Sometimes parents cannot prevent wrong behavior. Sometimes they need to
do something to teach the child what is wrong and what is right. It helps
if parents teach their children the connection between their actions and
the results of their misbehavior. Using logical and natural consequences
is one way to do that.
Natural consequences are results that naturally happen after a child’s
behavior. The adult does not need to do anything. The situation will take
care of itself. For example, if a child does not eat at mealtime, she
will get hungry later. If she does not play carefully with a toy, she
may break it. Natural consequences work well if the child will care about
the consequence and if the child is not in danger.
Logical consequences are things that the adult manages, but they are related
to the behavior. For example, if the child uses a toy to hit another child,
the adult takes away that toy or makes the child sit on a chair instead
of playing. If the child leaves her bicycle in the driveway, the adult
puts the bike away for a day.
Share
these strategies with parents. They can get out of power struggles
with their children by setting limits and responding in a positive way
to their children’s misbehavior.
For
more information go to:
http://www.e-calc.net/articles.php?tid=3353
Here you will find information on different kinds of limit setting and
the difference between negative and positive discipline.
http://www.teachersandfamilies.com/open/parent/control1.cfm
Here you will find several examples of how to guide children positively
to enhance their self-worth and teach them self-control.
Sources
 Finding
the causes of misbehavior
Setting
limits
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